Ever 17...

I've been having this problem of grown-up life envy. I'm not exactly sure what's to blame...I can't say that it's any one thing... I do suppose that I have noticed an increase in angst since spending time on Facebook, though, looking at all the grown-up versions of people I went to school with in the not-so-long long ago.

It's wrong, I guess, but it seems like all those folks are winning the race. They've got jobs, marriages, kids, mortgages. I have a job too, a boyfriend, don't want a kid, and have a mountain of school debt instead of any real property. (I do own an aging Honda Civic that I bought used 5 years ago. I do have a cat and a decent TV and an iPhone). But I'm kind of ready to stop being 17 years old on repeat for the past 10 years. I mean, what sets today me apart from 11th grade me? Discounting college and two years of grad school, I have matured a little, gotten waaaay more organized, and have a full-time job instead of a regular routine of classes (of course, I do hop from meeting to meeting in a school for my job). Most other things are the same...I live at home with my parents (in a different room, but same dif.), growl at my alarm clock every morning, try to be in bed by 11:30 on weeknights, hate to drive, and like chick rock music. I still make collages from old magazines, eat too much popcorn, watch Seinfeld reruns, and write and draw little pictures in a notebook by my bed. Hell, my childhood dog is still alive and (relative to her 16.5 yr. age) healthy. I do have access to a whole lot more technology now that has changed my worldview somewhat, but that's just because technology advanced in ridiculous ways since 1999 and I like to buy shiny things with lots of buttons and screens. (I can't help it -- I love the smell of new electronics).

I know there's an end...it's even in sight most of the time, and who knows? Maybe I shouldn't be so keen to rush it. It still just feels, as I mentioned to a friend earlier, like how I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 11 and had to sit out like a loser on bike rodeo days in elementary school.

I've started life, sort of, but I just can't seem to get both training wheels off.