April

I always thought that Eliot got it wrong...February is the cruelest month, or maybe October (at least in my personal experience). But I learned this year that April is probably truly the cruelest month. Beyond the fact that the weather has been crazy this April, school kids are unruly (racial incidents at local colleges -- and note that most of the worst school shootings in US history took place in April), and more bad things have happened in my own life (relative to my previous post) to punish me for declaring 2009 a good year. Not that I really believe that some higher force is punishing me for optimism, but it sure appears that way when I consider recent events.

Number one bad thing is that my grandmother unexpectedly died last Monday, just 6 months after my grandfather passed (not so unexpectedly). She was 83, which isn't young, but isn't really that old either when you think about life expectancy these days (or read the obituaries in the paper where most of the deceased were like 93 or 101, for example). I miss her a lot because she was like my second mom...she was my mom's mom and they were extremely close (they even shared a birthday), and she was just always there. She took care of me and brother a lot when we were pups because we lived across the street and our parents worked through the summers (unlike her, the lunch lady at my elementary school who would bring me my cheese sandwich when I forgot it or give me a little jar of honey on chicken nuggets day because the school didn't provide any sauce other than ketchup...hahaha). She took us to Mt. Gretna and to parks all over the county to feed ducks and go on sliding boards, and she couldn't hold back laughter when we back-talked (unlike Mom). Her sense of humor was always sharp, and she never felt the need to censor what she thought of anything. She left strange messages on the answering machine and always cleared her throat before talking when you did answer a call from her (which became a family joke). Everyone thought she was getting foggier as the years progressed, but I knew she was just losing her hearing and didn't want anyone to make her get a hearing aid. She never complained about health problems (probably because she thought other people whined too much about being sick)...she was selfless and really didn't tolerate fuss over anything.

And now she's gone. She hadn't wanted to pick a tombstone for my grandfather, but finally did just a couple of weeks ago...and now we had to call and have them add her name and dates, too. She passed just two days before what would have been my grandpa's 90th birthday. It just all seems so strange.

And we've been cleaning the house now -- getting things in order for an eventual sale. She never threw anything out (and had only just begun to sort through my grandpa's things); there is a dresser drawer filled with tiny hotel shampoos and soaps and lotions (some probably from as far back as the 1970's)...and about 10 or so brand new, still packaged toothbrushes. And I can't forget the boxes just filled with lots of smaller boxes, or the three bedrooms plus the attic with all the closets and bureaus packed full of clothing (much of it new...some of it still with tags on). We've adopted her cat and I've taken all of her orchids and other plants home. There's just so much yet left to do.

So yeah, April...not really my favorite month. I guess I never shouldn't trust good ol' T.S.