I've been having this problem of grown-up life envy. I'm not exactly sure what's to blame...I can't say that it's any one thing... I do suppose that I have noticed an increase in angst since spending time on Facebook, though, looking at all the grown-up versions of people I went to school with in the not-so-long long ago.
It's wrong, I guess, but it seems like all those folks are winning the race. They've got jobs, marriages, kids, mortgages. I have a job too, a boyfriend, don't want a kid, and have a mountain of school debt instead of any real property. (I do own an aging Honda Civic that I bought used 5 years ago. I do have a cat and a decent TV and an iPhone). But I'm kind of ready to stop being 17 years old on repeat for the past 10 years. I mean, what sets today me apart from 11th grade me? Discounting college and two years of grad school, I have matured a little, gotten waaaay more organized, and have a full-time job instead of a regular routine of classes (of course, I do hop from meeting to meeting in a school for my job). Most other things are the same...I live at home with my parents (in a different room, but same dif.), growl at my alarm clock every morning, try to be in bed by 11:30 on weeknights, hate to drive, and like chick rock music. I still make collages from old magazines, eat too much popcorn, watch Seinfeld reruns, and write and draw little pictures in a notebook by my bed. Hell, my childhood dog is still alive and (relative to her 16.5 yr. age) healthy. I do have access to a whole lot more technology now that has changed my worldview somewhat, but that's just because technology advanced in ridiculous ways since 1999 and I like to buy shiny things with lots of buttons and screens. (I can't help it -- I love the smell of new electronics).
I know there's an end...it's even in sight most of the time, and who knows? Maybe I shouldn't be so keen to rush it. It still just feels, as I mentioned to a friend earlier, like how I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 11 and had to sit out like a loser on bike rodeo days in elementary school.
I've started life, sort of, but I just can't seem to get both training wheels off.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ugh, my sweater.
I was very productive last Sunday afternoon, "hand-washing" all of my most delicate wool sweaters (read: running them through the gentle cycle on the washer two at a time) that haven't been cleaned in any way in many months. As you can imagine, I was extraordinarily proud of my uncharacteristic unlaziness, and carefully "reshaped and dried flat" on old (clean!) beach towels folded up on top of the square card table by my parents' basement coal stove (at my mother's suggestion). I had no need for the sweaters for the rest of Sunday, so I left them to dry, checking on them once early in the evening (to assure that no cats had decided they were good for sleeping on), and deciding that I wouldn't need to worry about collecting them until Monday morning, which I did before leaving for work.
I put the sweaters away in my old bedroom-turned-giant storage closet and paid them no mind until yesterday, when I wore my favorite brown and cream-striped BCBG sweater to work. This morning, as I struggled to dress (as every morning presents another clothing struggle), I determined it wouldn't be overkill to wear my nice warm gray BCBG sweater to work with jeans (I allow myself one jeans day per work week) since, hey -- it's cold and drab outside and I just don't care that hard about my appearance.
When I get to work, I notice this strange odor in my office that I quickly realize is coming from me. I distinctly remember applying deodorant this morning, and can even smell that scent, but there is an unmistakable undercurrent of B.O. So I manically start sniffing under my arms like on a tv commercial, but notice that it's attached to every inch of my sweater. Now, I know that wool tends to smell weird when it's wet, but this is not that kind of smell, and my sweater is perfectly dry. It smells like B.O. All I can figure is that the basement has poisoned my sweater (and by extension, all of my just-washed sweaters). Come to think of it, I just thought the person sitting next to me at our State of the College address yesterday had crazy weird B.O. Hmmm...it was probably my sweater. Damn it!
Now, if you know me, you know how much I hate my parents' basement, so this situation is particularly vexing. The previous owners of my parents' house had done up the main part of the basement as a charming rec room in the 1960's, complete with bar and atrocious (though undoubtedly trendy at the time) green and tan carpet that I can't adequately describe (I'll try to post a picture sometime...seriously, it's awful). The bar is long gone (replaced by showcase cabinets for my father's NASCAR memorabilia...uh, yeah), the charming fireplace was retrofitted to attach the coal stove my father decided to inherit from his father, but the carpet remains...over 15 years after moving in. I can only assume that the smell I'm carrying around like a disease is a combination of rotting carpet padding (though after approximately 43 years, it can't honestly still be actively rotting, but just rotted), coal dust, and general musty basement. (If radon had a smell, that would most certainly be mixed in as well). Ew. These scents are not apparent when running on the treadmill for 40 minutes a day, but obviously lock into a damp sweater left to dry overnight.
I am so embarrassed and peeved...and worried.
Why worried, you may ask? Mainly because I have to continue to live in this house, which in the winter is attempted (unsuccessfully) to be heated with just the aforementioned coal stove blasting away and a system of unstrategically located ceiling and other fans. This makes the basement a cozy 92 degrees while the rest of the house ranges between 50 (or less, I swear!) and 65. My parents are not poor (they're not rich either, by any means, but the have like 0 debts anymore), but they refuse to use the house's built-in electric heating system and will reset any thermostat in the house (each room has its own control) to "off" if you switch it on. The bathroom has an electric space heater to be used during morning showers, so there is no need to even THINK of turning heat on in there either. (Luckily I can escape to my electric fireplace in my attic room and keep that space a reasonable human temperature). Anyway, I'm worried that I won't be able to make it through this, let alone another, winter of crazy. I'm worried for my mental and for my general health. My sweaters not even considered -- I think I might get some form of Black Lung disease and die coughing up coal dust.
One thing I've learned from the sweater-washing experience? Well, it's just the same thing I already knew -- living with one's parents at 26 (going on 27) is a mistake. It's just so darn cost effective.
I put the sweaters away in my old bedroom-turned-giant storage closet and paid them no mind until yesterday, when I wore my favorite brown and cream-striped BCBG sweater to work. This morning, as I struggled to dress (as every morning presents another clothing struggle), I determined it wouldn't be overkill to wear my nice warm gray BCBG sweater to work with jeans (I allow myself one jeans day per work week) since, hey -- it's cold and drab outside and I just don't care that hard about my appearance.
When I get to work, I notice this strange odor in my office that I quickly realize is coming from me. I distinctly remember applying deodorant this morning, and can even smell that scent, but there is an unmistakable undercurrent of B.O. So I manically start sniffing under my arms like on a tv commercial, but notice that it's attached to every inch of my sweater. Now, I know that wool tends to smell weird when it's wet, but this is not that kind of smell, and my sweater is perfectly dry. It smells like B.O. All I can figure is that the basement has poisoned my sweater (and by extension, all of my just-washed sweaters). Come to think of it, I just thought the person sitting next to me at our State of the College address yesterday had crazy weird B.O. Hmmm...it was probably my sweater. Damn it!
Now, if you know me, you know how much I hate my parents' basement, so this situation is particularly vexing. The previous owners of my parents' house had done up the main part of the basement as a charming rec room in the 1960's, complete with bar and atrocious (though undoubtedly trendy at the time) green and tan carpet that I can't adequately describe (I'll try to post a picture sometime...seriously, it's awful). The bar is long gone (replaced by showcase cabinets for my father's NASCAR memorabilia...uh, yeah), the charming fireplace was retrofitted to attach the coal stove my father decided to inherit from his father, but the carpet remains...over 15 years after moving in. I can only assume that the smell I'm carrying around like a disease is a combination of rotting carpet padding (though after approximately 43 years, it can't honestly still be actively rotting, but just rotted), coal dust, and general musty basement. (If radon had a smell, that would most certainly be mixed in as well). Ew. These scents are not apparent when running on the treadmill for 40 minutes a day, but obviously lock into a damp sweater left to dry overnight.
I am so embarrassed and peeved...and worried.
Why worried, you may ask? Mainly because I have to continue to live in this house, which in the winter is attempted (unsuccessfully) to be heated with just the aforementioned coal stove blasting away and a system of unstrategically located ceiling and other fans. This makes the basement a cozy 92 degrees while the rest of the house ranges between 50 (or less, I swear!) and 65. My parents are not poor (they're not rich either, by any means, but the have like 0 debts anymore), but they refuse to use the house's built-in electric heating system and will reset any thermostat in the house (each room has its own control) to "off" if you switch it on. The bathroom has an electric space heater to be used during morning showers, so there is no need to even THINK of turning heat on in there either. (Luckily I can escape to my electric fireplace in my attic room and keep that space a reasonable human temperature). Anyway, I'm worried that I won't be able to make it through this, let alone another, winter of crazy. I'm worried for my mental and for my general health. My sweaters not even considered -- I think I might get some form of Black Lung disease and die coughing up coal dust.
One thing I've learned from the sweater-washing experience? Well, it's just the same thing I already knew -- living with one's parents at 26 (going on 27) is a mistake. It's just so darn cost effective.
Monday, January 12, 2009
2009
Oh man, I just realized that I never wrote a happy new year post to the Roast Beef Concern! Better late than never, I assume, right? I don't know...maybe it doesn't even matter. I have seriously been writing a new year post in my head since about Christmas, but I just haven't gotten to the out with it part. I have the same problem with my children's book series about Bill the Cat, my young adult problem novel, my memoirs, and my variety of other writings (including the actual quarterly Roast Beef Concern newsletter). My mother thinks I have some motivation problems...I don't want to get into that now, though, so...
Happy 2009!
I'm glad for an odd year, aren't you? I feel safer - and braver - in odd years. I know...crazy. But I was born in an even year and graduated from HS, college, and Masters degree school in even years (whoa, I never really thought about that before!) and none of those years were particularly filled with joy. Most notably, a lot of debts came due in those years, and a lot of hard realities had to be faced at various points. If you know me, you probably think I'm being a little melodramatic, but seriously, when the first job you can even beg someone to give you after 6 years in college and grad school only pays $8.00 an hour, that's a pretty hard reality! (Luckily, an odd year came along in 2007 and granted me a *little* more earning potential than that).
But back to this year... On the subject of concern for how I will earn/use/keep some of my roast beef money, 2009 was already a bright spot on the horizon back in 2004 because my car was due to be paid off...TODAY, believe it or not (though I consolidated some debt and actually paid to get the title last April) and my main stack of student loans will decrease a percentage point in interest come November (because I've so dutifully been repaying on time since 2006). Last week I also worked up some sort of plan for paying aforementioned consolidated debt...all $8,000 left of it...by the end of the year (don't know if I can pull that off, but it's my goal). I really do want to have a grown up life by the time I'm 30, so I'm working as hard as I can. :-)
Soooo...I'm optimistic for the future, and you probably should be too. It's going to be a good year, this 2009. I just know it.
Happy 2009!
I'm glad for an odd year, aren't you? I feel safer - and braver - in odd years. I know...crazy. But I was born in an even year and graduated from HS, college, and Masters degree school in even years (whoa, I never really thought about that before!) and none of those years were particularly filled with joy. Most notably, a lot of debts came due in those years, and a lot of hard realities had to be faced at various points. If you know me, you probably think I'm being a little melodramatic, but seriously, when the first job you can even beg someone to give you after 6 years in college and grad school only pays $8.00 an hour, that's a pretty hard reality! (Luckily, an odd year came along in 2007 and granted me a *little* more earning potential than that).
But back to this year... On the subject of concern for how I will earn/use/keep some of my roast beef money, 2009 was already a bright spot on the horizon back in 2004 because my car was due to be paid off...TODAY, believe it or not (though I consolidated some debt and actually paid to get the title last April) and my main stack of student loans will decrease a percentage point in interest come November (because I've so dutifully been repaying on time since 2006). Last week I also worked up some sort of plan for paying aforementioned consolidated debt...all $8,000 left of it...by the end of the year (don't know if I can pull that off, but it's my goal). I really do want to have a grown up life by the time I'm 30, so I'm working as hard as I can. :-)
Soooo...I'm optimistic for the future, and you probably should be too. It's going to be a good year, this 2009. I just know it.
Monday, December 29, 2008
*Phew!*
I got Nintendo DS for Xmas, and it has two different brain training games (also a Zelda game and an eye training game).
This brought a certain degree of relief because now I can keep my brain from turning to slurry despite all the envelope stuffing!
I hope you all got what you wanted this season -- I know I'm pretty happy.
This brought a certain degree of relief because now I can keep my brain from turning to slurry despite all the envelope stuffing!
I hope you all got what you wanted this season -- I know I'm pretty happy.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Envelope Stuffing
Why is it that I always feel compelled to write whilst stuffing envelopes at my job? Perhaps it's to console my rage, or perhaps it's simply to remind myself that I can still produce words and think thoughts despite the drudgery.
Oh well, I don't stuff envelopes every day -- I was afraid that's all it appears I do. I also order food and open envelopes. :-)
Anyway, I just wanted to make an entry here pre-xmas to wish you all (or, to wish me...who am I kidding, no one else reads this) a happy merry celebratory season. I know I'm having a pretty good time so far. I even went to the mall last night and didn't get too cranky until we were getting ready to leave and my mother wanted to go to Kohl's for the 3rd time in 2 days. I was impressed with my stamina.
Soooo...have good holidays. I'll be back with more tales of envelope stuffing soon.
Oh well, I don't stuff envelopes every day -- I was afraid that's all it appears I do. I also order food and open envelopes. :-)
Anyway, I just wanted to make an entry here pre-xmas to wish you all (or, to wish me...who am I kidding, no one else reads this) a happy merry celebratory season. I know I'm having a pretty good time so far. I even went to the mall last night and didn't get too cranky until we were getting ready to leave and my mother wanted to go to Kohl's for the 3rd time in 2 days. I was impressed with my stamina.
Soooo...have good holidays. I'll be back with more tales of envelope stuffing soon.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Ah...December
Or more like..."Ack! December!!!" It's disgustingly cliche, but I really don't know where the time sped off to in the past couple of months. I while my days away stuffing envelopes and phoning caterers about missing table linens that someone else never thought to order or tell me about ordering, and I guess the hours just slide away without me bothering to think much about it. Sad, it seems when I do stop to think about it.
Anyway, it's the Xmas time of year; you know, when it's dark all the time and traffic blows more than usual and wonderful classic songs like "Feliz Navidad" and that damn "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" Paul McCartney travesty can be heard resounding from the heavens all day every day. Yeah, I'm a grinch. Though, as I remarked to my good friend Lanester recently, I have felt more charitable about Xmas this year...I think it has something to do with the fact that no one has any money to go buy ridiculously unnecessary gifts for each other this year so the season feels more authentic somehow...like more how the holidays felt to me as a little kid -- no pressure, just fun.
Also, I get some time off work, so that's always the best gift of all.
Anyway, it's the Xmas time of year; you know, when it's dark all the time and traffic blows more than usual and wonderful classic songs like "Feliz Navidad" and that damn "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" Paul McCartney travesty can be heard resounding from the heavens all day every day. Yeah, I'm a grinch. Though, as I remarked to my good friend Lanester recently, I have felt more charitable about Xmas this year...I think it has something to do with the fact that no one has any money to go buy ridiculously unnecessary gifts for each other this year so the season feels more authentic somehow...like more how the holidays felt to me as a little kid -- no pressure, just fun.
Also, I get some time off work, so that's always the best gift of all.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Of fog and fogginess...
The fog crept into the corners of the tri-county area sometime last evening to poison my thoughts with its Dickensian associations and make it hard to drive on the highway. It hasn't abated today, but instead stuck around to keep me from thinking clearly...I'm just too mentally tired and want to be home curled up with a book and some hot tea.
Instead I'm stuffing envelopes.
Of course, I am listening to the awesome Juliana Hatfield from my iPod plugged into the weeny little computer speaker-bar-thing in my office while stuffing said envelopes, so things could be more boring and sad than they are.
I visited baby Lily last night (whom I apparently cause to vomit repeatedly), and it was nice to see such a comfy-looking little bundle of person despite the fact that I cause her some digestive distess. I cause myself digestive distress, though, so maybe no one should be surprised. I guess that could be my superhero power -- making people puke and feel bad in their stomachs.
Instead I'm stuffing envelopes.
Of course, I am listening to the awesome Juliana Hatfield from my iPod plugged into the weeny little computer speaker-bar-thing in my office while stuffing said envelopes, so things could be more boring and sad than they are.
I visited baby Lily last night (whom I apparently cause to vomit repeatedly), and it was nice to see such a comfy-looking little bundle of person despite the fact that I cause her some digestive distess. I cause myself digestive distress, though, so maybe no one should be surprised. I guess that could be my superhero power -- making people puke and feel bad in their stomachs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)